March is Women’s History Month, and the theme is “Leading the Change: Women Shaping a Sustainable Future.” March 8 is International Women’s Day. Many of my patients would say to me, “Thank you for taking such good care of me, but I worry about who takes care of you?” I have thought about that over the years.
The answer to that question is not so easy to elucidate. I started to reflect and realized that it is the women in my life who care for me and inspire me — not just one, but all of them. Each in her own way has led change and shaped something lasting. It started with my mother, who has always had a sixth sense and always calls at just the right time. She could look into my eyes and know I was not feeling well. Through high school, college, and medical school, she was my greatest supporter, but she never stopped reminding me that she “expected better from me.” That was because I was the oldest child. Not only was my mother there for me, but all my aunts were as well. I had four mothers. The biggest supporter was my grandmother, who always made me feel special. However, she loved all of us the same — evident in the way she handed out both praise and discipline.
My sisters are great. They have always thought I was the smart one. However, I think my sister Kathy is the smartest. She has fixed ripped seams, hemmed and sewn dresses, designed curtains, and just been there with her laughter and positive outlook. She finished her degree, retired, and then found her way back to work — because her gifts are simply too valuable to set aside. She continues to provide wisdom to all whose lives she touches. I witnessed this firsthand on what was the most tragic day of her life. Yet there she was, handling it with a grace that left me in awe. That is who she is — steady, generous, and quietly remarkable. She never has a harsh word or thought for anyone, even when life gives her every reason to.
In school, I had committed teachers who recognized I was a step ahead. It started in first grade. I recently saw my second-grade teacher — she was still so sweet and filled with praise. Until the 5th grade, I went to a segregated school. My sixth-grade teacher could have ignored me, but she made sure I was placed in the honors program for seventh and eighth grade. I was always an avid reader, but that program expanded my skills. Her willingness to lead change in a classroom where it was not always welcome was instrumental to my success in high school.
It was my first high school English teacher who pushed me the most. She fearlessly challenged me to write better and read more, despite my heavy load of math and science courses. She forced me to put pen to paper and graded my work honestly. I dreaded — but learned to rise to the challenge of — that “red pen.” My initial papers were hemorrhaging red ink. My challenge was to decrease the amount of bleeding.
I had my host of friends in high school. They were there when I lost the race for Student Body President. One of them became my roommate in college. It broke my heart when she left school to get married. My next roommate was also wonderful. When I go home, I still get together with several of my friends from college. We always went to parties together, and our rule was “We came together, we leave together.” That rule kept us all safe — a small but meaningful way we looked out for one another’s future.
My best friend from medical school is still my best friend. She is an OB/GYN. We have supported each other through many stormy times. She offered to whisk me away on the morning of my first wedding — she knew what I would later learn; it was not what was right for me at that time. However, there were no hard feelings.
In residency, I met my other long-time friend, a family physician. She called me once a week. For years, we met twice a year at medical conferences to catch up. She was an exercise fanatic, and I stayed in shape just to keep up with her. She is ten years older and still looks great. When her father died, I was in Maryland and could not get to the funeral. So when I was finally able to visit, we all went to see “Having Our Say,” the remarkable play about the Delaney sisters — two women who were themselves a testament to leading change across a lifetime.
My late friend, a Cardiologist, adopted me while I lived in Maryland. We would make shopping trips to Nordstrom for the Half-Yearly Sale, take Fridays off, and have a blast. She taught me about fine cooking and how to write a consultation. After her guidance, I received praise from a doctor at Johns Hopkins when I referred a patient. When he sent me a consultation note, he began by thanking me for the most thorough referral letter he had received in years.
All these great women were there for me — and still are. They are in my yoga class, among my female colleagues, former residents, and new friends. One of my dear friends from yoga class is a writer who encouraged me to start this very blog — and I am so grateful she did. We are all eagerly anticipating the publication of her novel, Gershwin’s Bess: A Novel, which promises to be a remarkable work. I also treasure my book group friends, who are so much more than fellow readers. Together we traveled to Paris, and it was truly the time of my life — a reminder that the friendships we nurture are among life’s greatest adventures.
Most importantly, over the past 40 years, it has been my husband who has stood beside me and, since we met, maintained a positive approval rating from every one of these women. He once said, “he never worried where I was because he always knew I was in good company.” He meant all my friends.
As we celebrate women leading change and shaping a sustainable future, I want to thank all the wonderful and courageous women who have been and still are in my life. They have taught me to be passionate, courageous, and to serve others with humility and compassion. They are the change — and because of them, so am I.
“The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another.” — Serena Williams
A Family Doctor's Reflection 