Don’t give away your power

“You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds…Claim and consciously use your power.” Louise Hay

It took some time before I understood what my grandmother meant by “never let them drive you crazy.” For a long time, I thought she was reminding me of my late father’s mental illness and that I should be vigilant of my own mental health. However, I soon realized what she meant was to stay authentic to your core beliefs. Don’t let them make you lose control and make unwise decisions. That would be giving your power away.

I have always been an active daydreamer. I could get lost in my head or in a good book for hours. One of my heroes was Harriet Tubman. I imagined myself walking through the woods and streams, freeing the slaves, and bringing them to the promised land. I always thought that Harriet had magical powers. I read books about Kings and Queens of Africa and saw myself as the African Queen leading my people to victory against invading forces. I was powerful and in control, and I never lost a battle.

I began to think that as I went through high school and college that there was some magical force helping me navigate the rough waters. Getting through medical school for me was the greatest gift. I never gave up my power.

Right now, COVID-19 is wielding its mighty sword through our community, and I am getting texts from friends of loved ones lost. I feel powerless, so I want to put on my regal garb and fight and get fighting. I want to be Harriet Tubman leading my people to good health and keep them safe. I want to be that African Queen wielding my sword against this invader. If only I could. I know it is not that easy.

Some real true and hard facts. If you are obese or have hypertension, diabetes, or sleep apnea, you are at risk of dying from this disease. We need to regain control. If your Blood pressure is not controlled, you need to get it under control. No excuses. Most African Americans should be on at least two medicines if not three to four to control high blood pressure. If you are obese, let’s get kicking. No, I mean kicking up your legs by marching in place 10 minutes twice a day. It works and you don’t need to go outside. Exercise can reduce your blood pressure and blood sugar. You can use this time to gain control and get your power back. It won’t be easy but you have to start somewhere.   If you need a new doctor, practices are offering virtual visits. Get one now.

We have a democratic government that we elect. We pay taxes and are entitled to be helped by that same government. We should not have to beg our elected officials for the basic needs. So, as I watched my colleagues in tears and asking for the materials they needed to care for sick patients, I realized that we have the power to make changes. It only takes one simple act. We have the power of being a team. That means working together. One way is voting. If our elected senators, representatives, and our president put us in the position of begging for what we have paid taxes to support, then we must regain our power and use the power of our ballot.

Governors who refused to authorize shelter in place orders are not protecting us; they’re protecting their interest. Ministers who entice their members to go to church despite the known fact that this puts them at risk for COVID-19 are not true men of God. My grandmother always pointed to that fact. She was critical of the ministers who she felt were in it for the money.

We have the right to speak up. We need to demand protection, adequately equipped hospitals, and to be respected by those we elect. Remember, we elect them not to serve their interest or that of a party or a president but the people from the states that they represent.

Let’s regain our Power.

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control; these three alone lead life to sovereign power.  Alfred Lord Tennyson

Another nice mess!!

 

If you are  a Laurel and Hardy fan, then you totally get the meaning of “another  nice mess you’ve gotten us (me) into.” Each movie was a series of antics that started with one innocent act that led to a series of escalating events that culminated in a total collapse of a building, a car crash a train derailment. Each one funnier than the other, but this is no laughing matter. The Oxford English Dictionary shows that back in the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, as English was coming into its own, nice meant “stupid” or “foolish.” (From the Baltimore Sun) 

What a “nice mess” a series of lapses has caused. Once again, innocent people will unfortunately die, and a significant number will be African American. I heard the comment it was because we have so many comorbidities, and that is true. Another real problem is that so many of us do not have the privilege to work from home. We are on the frontlines, even in healthcare. We are the Certified nursing assistants for home care agencies, in nursing homes, in assisted livings and group homes. We are working on the front lines in every area of the hospital, from foodservice to cleaning services, and more. So, when we finally succumb to COVID-19, it will be due to our inability to shelter in place because we are deemed essential personnel. African-Americans comprise a large percent of transit workers, sanitation engineers, new Amazon hires, and working in Supermarkets. Walmart is a significant employer of people of color.

So, let’s not be silent. We must make sure that we are recognized as those unsung heroes that are once again keeping this country running. The blame game will paint us as overweight and sick, but there are many healthy people also dying from this disease. The problem is a lack of access to good primary care and low paying essential jobs that put us in harm’s way. We will see this play out in the rural and urban areas across the country. This disease will spread because of the lack of response by local officials in rural areas in the south and Midwest and by even the ignorance of church officials who are still having church services. We need a two-prong approach from healthcare. To protect ourselves, we need to protect our vulnerable populations that are held hostage to a system that is stacked against them.

Let’s fight to get the statistics out there so that once again, we do not have false information. No, this is not a conspiracy, and the numbers are not being inflated.

“I agree that income disparity is the great issue of our time. It is even broader and more difficult than the civil rights issues of the 1960s. The ’99 percent’ is not just a slogan. The disparity in income has left the middle class with lowered, not rising, income, and the poor unable to reach the middle class.”

Eleanor Holmes Norton

 

Empty Wagons

When we were kids, my grandmother had a saying for everything. One of the ones that seems apropos for this moment is one of my favorites. “an empty wagon makes a lot of noise”. It was always accompanied by “think before you open your mouth” or “don’t speak out of turn.” It took me a long time to grasp the meaning of these idioms. Empty wagons are “people who know very little to nothing on a subject often talk the most on the said subject,” and it also means that” people tend to talk a lot about nothing pretending all of that nothing is something.”

So, I spent all my life not wanting to be an “empty wagon” or someone who “speaks out of turn.” So, with all that’s happening, there are so many empty wagons. I especially am upset over the late orders to shelter in place by many governors putting many at risk. Who makes statements like “we really don’t know how this disease is spread’. 

I spent the past week working in the hospital. It became very apparent how easily COVID-19 can be transmitted. Also, sheltering in place is only valid if people follow the rules. I wear the N-95 mask all day at work, but to protect people when I am outside the hospital, I use a homemade mask to get around town. There are online DIY instructions for making masks, or you could just cover your face with a scarf.

My advice is to shelter in place and wear a mask.

MaskIMG_0145COVID

I am just doing my job

This past week as I called my patients to do office visits either by telephone or video, I was so struck by the gratitude they express. One patient thanked me for being concerned about him and calling. They think these visits are special especial in this trying time. I want to say, “I am just doing my job, no need to thank me,” but I don’t. I am frustrated about the technical difficulties that occur when they can’t download the program for a video visit. They apologize, but I want to say, it is not your fault, it is ours. We’ve allowed this technology divide to prevent many from being able to benefit from this technology. We should have moved ahead with these platforms, and when people came to the office, we should make sure they all have smartphones and have our Apps downloaded. We needed the Tech team to meet each patient at the door, but we didn’t, and we failed our seniors. They are the ones we could have helped more. Why do they always have to come to our office? They would benefit from these video visits. Imagine a virtual picture of their home and to make sure they are safe.

I really don’t need a pat on the back for just doing my job. Doing it well was what my grandmother always instilled in us. You must be “ten times better to get 1/10 of the recognition”. We failed our patients when we didn’t help them embrace technology and health. We failed when we didn’t ensure that being healthy meant having a smartphone or a way to connect to their doctors. Also, we allowed many of their grandchildren to be in schools that now can’t provide them with Ipads or laptops at home to do their homework. These wired kids could have passed on their knowledge to their grandparents.

I completed the phone visit with one of my seniors, and she said, “I will be so glad when this is over so I can see you. Please take care of yourself.” I wished I was there to set up her phone so I could see her face.

America should not be lulled into patting someone on the back when all they are doing is the job they are supposed to do. Unfortunately, it was delayed because of politics, failure to listen to experts, and arrogance. Now, hold us responsible for making sure going forward; we are forward-thinking, innovative, and compassionate. We need to make sure that insurance companies do their job and help their patients. We need to make sure all Americans have health insurance, and they have access to health care that is responsive to their needs.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.  Scott Peck

What a Day!!

Patience was never one of my virtues, as I have stated so many times in past posts. I think I am even more impatient now. Each day feels like it is 100 hours. By the time you finish notes, answer phone calls, and deal with all the emails; you are exhausted. Truthfully, we have just begun this battle with COVID-19. It is touching every person I know. Patients are talking about friends and family members who have lost someone from the complications of this virus. They are young and old. Many of my patients are African American. It is affecting our staff and family members of our colleagues.

I am not sure what the toll of this virus will be on our community, but if you read the experts, it will be extensive. We were dealing with health care disparities and lack of primary care to meet the medical needs of African Americans, Latinx, and Native Americans before COVID-19. Now, it will become more apparent about the lack of primary care for these vulnerable populations. The Emergency Rooms are not the place to go currently. People need to be able to reach out to their primary care doctors to get guidance and help them navigate how to care for themselves at home. That is all I did this morning. I arranged for a patient who is a high risk to get tested. She should not be in an ER but only need to do the drive-in testing. For the drive-in testing, you need an appointment, which would mean having a primary care doctor to get a referral. Some sites do not require a doctor but do require you to schedule an appointment.

My highpoint came during dinner because my husband made my favorite fried oysters. I ate my oysters during a 7 pm Zoom meeting with URM Scholars. We had a very productive meeting. I marvel at their resolve to complete this manuscript for submission while dealing with the reality of being primary care providers during this challenging time. Well, I will rest and get ready for tomorrow.

I find hope in the darkest of days and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.

Dalai Lama

It really is about community

Physicians learn that community is essential. I had my first community with a very close-knit group of cousins. We played together and managed some mischief that was quickly squelched by our grandmother, who was our babysitter. When I entered grade school, I got into trouble because I love to talk. I was a true Scorpio. An introvert who could function as an extrovert. In college, I joined a sorority. In medical school, they assign in you to a team that starts day one in gross anatomy and continues through the clinical years. You must function as a team and study group to be successful. You become a community. You even end up partying together. One classmate gave me rides home to Birmingham from Nashville. He lived in Montgomery. He also picked me up on his way back to Nashville.

I have maintained some of these close friendships over the years. The first was with my best friend from Medical School. We call each other and try to meet up when we can. The second is with my best friend from residency. It started with Sunday night phone calls after graduation in 1990. It included meeting up for major conferences at least once a year.

When I moved back to NJ, my life was a bit more flexible so that I could meet up with friends on a more regular basis. My residency friend and I went to our meetings and met up for lunch dates. My friend from Med school, and I continue to meet up at least once a year.

I loved meeting colleagues at lunch and medical staff meetings. I always take time to talk to staff and find out how they and their families are doing. Now with the COVID pandemic, none of that can happen. The hallway chats and curbside consultations are on hold. All in-person meetings are canceled. The skype calls are rushed. I just want to say, “Let’s Breathe for just one minute together,” We are working from home and doing virtual visits with our patients.

I talked with my best friend from residency over the weekend, and we agreed to return to the Sunday night phone calls to catch up. Like the ’90s, she will call around 9 pm, and we will run down our week.

“Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much” – Helen Keller.

Patient status change?

Amid the flurry of emails, meetings, checking residents’ notes, calling patients, and refilling prescriptions, I received a cryptic message in my Epic in-basket “Patient status change.” I clicked on it, and my heart sank. “patient status change: deceased.” I looked twice and then called in our RN. She had not received any notification. I chart checked realized there were no new notes. I finally decided to dial her cellphone, and then that status was confirmed. Her family confirmed she had indeed died at another hospital.

I cried. We violated “social distancing” because it hit us all. My patient was gone. In the past, I would have received a call from the emergency room, but now, they can see my notes because of the electronic health record. They did not have to notify me because they can do it in their chart, and I get the notice.

This process does assume I don’t have a close relationship and would not have an emotional response by the sudden death of a young African American woman who was a beautiful wife, daughter, and especially a mother. I enjoyed seeing her in the office. We had some open discussions about her health and the tragedy that occurred in her life. I loved her relationship with her daughter and enjoyed having them come in together. I will miss those visits.

I have lost many patients over the years. There are so many that have etched their names in my heart. Amid this pandemic, I just realized that I do have to deal with the day-to-day patient care and the unexpected tragedies that will happen. I have been training to perform telehealth visits, and now, I must fast track. We are shifting gears and speeding ahead. As we switch to these virtual visits and limited in-person contact, I realize my status has changed.

“Remember that people are only guests in your story – the same way you are only a guest in theirs – so make the chapters worth reading.” ― Lauren Klarfeld

My home gym

I had been so busy; I never made it to the local YMCA to work out. Several years ago, I designed my home Yoga practice because I had received my 200-hour certification. I had planned to go for the 500-hour, but my work schedule exploded. I then had to design a home meditation practice, so I used several apps- InsightTimer and Deepak and Oprah’s meditation series.  I also went to a HEAL1 series.

For my workouts, I started walking 3-4 miles and then added a workout App called Seven. It helped. It was so important after I had surgery. I used all of this to get back into shape.

Now with the social distancing required to prevent the spread of COVID-19, I am so happy that I designed this program. As a physician, I find that this home gym has helped decrease my stress level and keep me grounded. I need to stay healthy, so I can work and teach my residents. My patients said as they left the office” Stay safe.” This our new reality.

Home GYM

 

2 weeks of COVID-19

It has been a hectic two weeks for me as a physician. I have been staying updated on COVID-19 and trying to see my patients. I had two patients come in for post-hospital visits, and I told them to call and stay out of the office until everything slows down.

I am a constant hand-washer in the office. I have a slight sensitivity to all hand sanitizers, especially our hospital-grade one, so I use soap and water. I use the hand sanitizer on rounds and then race to the sink when it is available. I always wear makeup to prevent myself from touching my face. I have used this precaution as long as I can remember.

We had a virtual meeting yesterday to kick-off our mentoring program and practiced social distancing. I could not talk with my mother for long yesterday, so I called her today.

Me: Hi, mom. How are you?

Mom: Oh, Judy, I am fine. I am not letting this upset me.

Me: Do you have enough groceries?

Mom: Oh, yes, I just have what I need and not the whole shelf.

Me: What?

Mom: Well, I was watching the news, and they interviewed this man outside of the Publix in Hoover. He said people needed to calm down. “Just buy what you need, not the whole shelf. We all need to calm down.”

Me: Are you going to church?

Mom: No, Reverend C closed our church. Your sister sent us the information so we can stream the service from her church. I am not going out. Of course, everyone is thumping on the bible right now. If they just did what it says, we wouldn’t be in this mess. We have had influenza, AIDS, and other plagues, and we didn’t all die. So we all just need to calm down.

Me: Yes, we were talking about the lack of ICU beds and ventilators for those that may need it. I told my friends that you have told me not to put you on a ventilator.

Mom: I never want that. You are right. That is not the way to go.

COVID-19 is a reality, and we have to have real conversations about what is essential in our lives. Buying what we need and thinking of others. Following the rules on handwashing, social distancing, and self-quarantine to keep our family and colleagues healthy. Then, there are crucial questions about end-of-life care we must have with our loved ones. I feel better now. For useful, accurate information:

https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/

 

Where has Decency Gone?

My grandparents were known as decent people. Many people in our community revered them. We were s admonished for our behavior with people saying, “your grandparents would be upset to know that you are misbehaving.” “You know that is not the way a Waldrop acts.” Many times, we would wish a spanking from our grandmother rather than what my uncles called one of her “sermonettes.”

My grandmother was our childcare provider while our parents worked. These sermonettes required us to listen as she called upon us to be decent and caring people. She wanted us to be better than those around us. She expected us to be in church on Sunday mornings and, with one look, put a stop to any misbehaving. The “Golden Rule” was an essential theme in many of those sermonettes.

To paraphrase, “Do to and say about others what you would have done to and said about you.”

I took this quote to heart and it influenced how I cared for my patients and engage with friends, colleagues, and family.

From the first day of my internship, it became apparent that not everyone learned how to be decent. I had to work hard to complete all my notes. One of the attendings critiqued each one to make sure they were grammatically correct and accurate. I learned so much from her. I rewrote every progress note. Initially, I thought she was too harsh, but I soon learned that she cared and knew this was important for my success.

One afternoon during my intern year, I went in to admit a patient, and she kindly asked me to leave. I was “Colored,” and she was a very wealthy white female. Interns did the admitting history and physical on all admissions on the teaching service. I was happy to be sent away. It meant I could leave right after sign-out and get home early for once. Unfortunately, I was summoned back to the nurse’s station and told to go back in and complete the admission. The patient looked at me and said,” You and are going to have to work together.” I ended up leaving late, but I think we both learned a valuable lesson. The attending had told her that she would allow me to admit her or go home, and I learned that he was decent and supported me.

More people should have had the benefit of listening to my grandparents (Big Mama and Big Daddy). I am so thankful for their life and how they demonstrated people who behave decently. Unfortunately, so many events of the past few weeks have been disappointing. I have decided to share only articles from reputable news media sources. I plan not to share any articles from sources I am not familiar with the source. There is an assault on our democracy; it is more evident each day and is very disturbing to watch as our elected officials abdicate their power and influence.

As a physician, I have much at stake in the coming election. Many of my patients may lose healthcare coverage or be deported. The assault on sanctuary cities is a real threat to many of my patients. I know that many of my patients will benefit from the rise of the minimum wage. This is especially true for women of color who have struggled to care for their families with no health insurance and lower wages. For those who say they would instead not vote if their candidate does not win, I want to say as aa black female who grew up in Alabama, I have always had to choose the better of two evils. We have never had the privilege of not voting. You must vote to ensure democracy continues.

I am not ready to say whom I will vote for, but the candidate must be a realist—someone who openly supports reproductive and social justice and supports access to quality health care. The candidate must acknowledge the real consequences of climate change, support diversity, and increase access to quality education. We have a looming debt and a vast wealth gap, so the candidate must have a real plan. I am not naïve enough to believe that we can achieve “Medicare for all” or free education overnight. The Affordable Care Act must be fully implemented. It is a good start. I want free tuition for medical schools to increase and diversify our physician workforce.

Dr. King, “Letter from the Birmingham Jail:”

I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.